Everyday Philosophy;
• STRESS - The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately deserves it.
  - A button
  
• I saw the light at the end of the tunnel... and it was out.
  - a button
  
• I saw the light at the end of the tunnel... and it was a train coming at me.
  - a different button
  
• Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along come faster rats.
  - a T-shirt
  
• Is there life before coffee?
  - a T-shirt
  
• People always seem to want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the middle of the road.
  - from a refrigerator magnet
  
• Bloom where you are planted.
  - a sign (in my mother's laundry room)
  
• Today's pig is tomarrow's bacon
  - A T-shirt
  
  
• Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time
  - A T-shirt
  
  Life at the office;
• We, the unwilling,
  led by the unknowing,
  are doing the impossible,
  for the ungrateful.
  - a T-shirt
  
• Blessed are the brief, for they have lower phone bills.
  - a sign on a phone
  
• We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you
  - A (nameless) company's T-shirt
  
• Tip-ing is not a city in China.
  - A sign at a restaurant in New York
  
• Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)
  - A great sign I saw in the grocery store
  
• Safety ladder, climb at own risk.
  - A sign on a dock in Juneau, Alaska
  
• Run like Hell!
  - Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around an office building
  
• Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.
  - Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee)
  
• Free Snow Removal
  We do Catering
  - Solid Waste Autority (Broward County, Florida)
  
• Beware of bargains in
  1. Parachutes
  2. Life preservers
  3. Brain surgery
  4. Eye Care
  - Sign on the wall of the office of an ethnologist
  
  Home Life;
• TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT... SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN!
  - A Sign
  
• One day I shall burst my bud of calm, and blossom in to hysteria.
  - a sign
  
• If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweety and wipe the seatie.
  - an sign in a bathroom
  
• Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!
  - Seen at an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA
  
• Party -- My Crib - Two A.M.
  - On a baby-size shirt
  
• That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!
  - T-shirt seen on an 8 year old
  
• If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees
  - a T-shirt
  
  Friends & Enemies;
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  - a button
  
• Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
  - a can cooler
  
  Travel & Recreation;
• He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
  - a button
  
• Welcome to the United States... Now go home.
  - A T-shirt
  
• I remember when motorcycles were dangerous and sex was safe!
  - A Biker's T-shirt
  
• Car Seat laws suck
  - A Baby Biker's T-shirt
  
• Bikers are tired of dying for American's right to drive like Assholes
  - A Biker's T-shirt
  
• I don't smoke dope, chew rope, dance, prance, romance, fight, fart, fuck, shoot the shit, or drive a truck. I've been to Maine, Spain, Spokane, around the world three times, two world's fairs, and seen goats fuck in the market place. But I ain't never seen no shit like this.
  - A Biker's T-shirt
  
• Billboard sign on a highway coming out of Austin, TX:
  "Nobody reads billboards.... But you just did"
  
• With Fishing season upon us we have plenty of crappie poles to fill your needs.
  - A Sign in a sporting goods store
  
• Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam
  - seen on a T-shirt on Cape Cod
  
  Love Life;
• Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
  - unaminous
  
• 60-Year-Old, One Owner, Needs Parts, Make Offer
  - T-shirt on an "old timer"
  
• A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
  - a T-shirt
  
• Not all men are fools... Some are bachelors.
  - another T-shirt
  
• What are the 4 favorite animals a woman likes to keep around the house?
  1) A Jaguar in her garage,
  2) A mink in her closet,
  3) A tiger in her bed... and
  4) A jack-ass to pay for it all!
  - from a key fob
  
• SEX is like anything else; if you want it done right you have to do it yourself.
  - A sign
  
• Fighting for Peace is kind of like Fucking for Virginity.
  - from a button
  
• One thing tastes better than an Oyster... and you don't eat it on a cracker
  - A T-shirt
  
• Wife wanted; to Love, Honor, and Support me
  - A T-shirt
  
• Beat me,
  Bite me,
  Whip me,
  Fuck me,
  like the dirty pig that I am,
  Cum all over my body,
  and tell me that you...
  Love me,
  then get the fuck out!
  - A "Lady's" T-shirt
  
• Learn from your parents' mistakes: Use birth control.
  - A bumper sticker in Portugal
  
• Waiting for the Perfect Man
  - on a T-shirt, printed across a drawing of a skeleton
  
  Women;
• Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt
  - on a pink T-shirt
  
• Eight reasons why a Motorcycle is better than a Man:
  1) Bigger and better ride
  2) You're always on top
  3) Longer and better vibrations
  4) It's always there when you want it
  5) You can kick it and it won't kick back
  6) It doesn't want to know who you rode last night
  7) You can dress it the way you want and it won't complain
  8) Because it's a fast start and a longer ride
  - A "Lady" Biker's T-shirt
  
• I ain't your fuckin' baby
  - A "Lady's" T-shirt
  
• This ain't no ordinary chest you're starring at!!
  - A button
  
• I have P.M.S. and E.S.P.: In other words I'm a bitch that knows it all
  - a "Lady's" T-shirt
  
• I have P.M.S. and a gun; Any Questions!?!
  - another "Lady's" T-shirt
  
  

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Check back often as this page will be growing fast! I have FILEs of quotes I just haven't had the time (yet) to post them! -UD

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